mein kampf

Mon, 01 Sep 2003 00:31:16 GMT

did b and k talk to a before they talked to me?

they didn't know that j wasn't coming
and a would have said something
because g said she was upset about that.
therefore, i must conclude
that b and k did not talk to anne.

Sun, 31 Aug 2003 23:39:10 GMT

fuck everyone.

i feel like punching people, but they won't understand why.

fuckers. it's not a big thing, but it is a big thing if you understand it. aaaargh.

Thu, 21 Aug 2003 21:24:06 GMT

fjkdlfj;ajfd;dfjdafcjkds

It was so fucking hot today. First day of school. 3 frosh fainted. We had Mass in suit coats...mon dieu, je le deteste.

And everything's already fucked up...what is this shit? Seriously. It's only the first day of school.

I dunno, I get really pissy when I'm hot. I was tres chaud tout le jour, so maybe that's it. Maybe I'm exaggerated.

Issues
-a/g/a/j
-a/t/m
-honours...
-extracurrics
-a--fr
-eng
-ch
-l

What is this shit? Seriously. Fuckers.

Tue, 18 Mar 2003 23:30:22 GMT

Hell no, we won't go; we won't fight for Texaco.

Mon, 17 Mar 2003 04:10:00 GMT

People need to get what they deserve.

He does not deserve that.

But do I?

I think so. Because I have nothing going for me.

I am not exceptionally good-looking. I am not the most popular person ever. I work hard to get what I want.

But, on the other hand:
I'm not exceptionally bad-looking. I have good friends. I am pretty smart and don't have to work hard in school.

But he has the advantage. And I hate him for it.

Bastard.

I hate him.

Or do I?

Yes.

Sun, 16 Mar 2003 17:52:02 GMT

Okay.

If Greg says a word about State Congress, I will kill him.

I gave him an opportunity to talk about it. He didn't take it. Therefore, he's done.

I'm insanely jealous because he didn't deserve to go.

So fuck him. His life will always be perfect and he will always get things he doesn't deserve, excepth he will never get bad things he deserves. My life will never be perfect and I will never get things I deserve, unless, of course, they're bad.

I know life isn't fair, and I expect it. But sometimes I just can't stand it.

I'm going to China. And then I'm going to be a page.

It would be spectacular is I got to be a congressional page and he didn't.

But of course it will be the opposite--I won't be a page, and he will.

Because that's the way things are.

Sun, 16 Mar 2003 17:26:48 GMT

2.POEM FOCUSED ON A CRUCIAL MOMENT FROM THE CHOSEN MYTH
Write in present tense, evoking the tension of an important crisis or decision. May be in first or third person.

Is he kidding?

jk;adfj;ovjeoimxji cx I hate English. No, scrath that, I hate poems.

Sat, 15 Mar 2003 05:40:20 GMT

I guess it's too much to ask that when a bunch of people come over that anyone help clean up afterwards.

Sat, 15 Mar 2003 05:36:58 GMT

Um, wow.

Party was fun. Not too bad.

But I'm so tired. And no one stayed to help me clean up.

Fuck them all. I cannot put in a nineteen hour day after this hell of a week. And now, it's looking like it's going to be twenty one. Goddammit. I'm typing with my eyes closed because I'm so tired. Dammit. Wow. There's so much to do.

And ma mere is not helping. I'm all like "Mom, what should I do with the food?" And she's just like, "whatever." It's like, I don't know what to do. Tell me or I will throw all of it at you.

I'm mad at Lauren. I'm really mad at her. Why? For abandoning me for Beth--I feel like I'm an old friend who's not worth anything. Damn her. And she's not helping me clean up or anything, either. One would think that she would, but of course not, she's too busy with Beth. Fuck them both. I think I'll be even madder at Lauren when it's tomorrow. Goddammit. I mean...she barely talked to me tonight, she was so busy hanging out with Beth. And I don't mind that at all, it's just that she's abandoning me completely. Damn.

I am doing absolutely nothing tomorrow and no one can make me do anything.

My basement awaits. Dammit, there's so much crap.

fadskljs;jkdsf

Too tired to muster anything but that.

Fri, 14 Mar 2003 02:16:15 GMT

RAAAAAAA. So complicated.

Okay. So, surprise party for Beth, Nick, and Elizabeth tomorrow. Sounds simple? Ever try throwing a party for three different people?

Rah. I have no idea how this is going to work. I guess we'll just surprise them as they get here.

Actually, now that I think about it, that sounds really smart.

Things got complicated with Steve's "brilliant" plan to tell Nick that it was a surprise for Beth and to tell Beth and Elizabeth that it was for Nick.

We think Beth knows about it.

Anyways, I'm just stressed out about it because I'm being asked to do a lot of stuff. So I spasm. fdajklf;ldjk.fejdkljfk Like that.

I dunno, I guess I just want everything to work out perfectly. We'll see what happens. Even if it doesn't work perfectly, it'll be fun.

Must go make cards for Elizabeth (poster?) and Anne.

jaffkjdlfadkjslfdjaickljfiodhfdck

Stress. I just hope I'll calm down enogh to enjoy myself. I seem to be theonly one who's worried, although I suppose someone has to do it.

Simon doesn't like me anymore. Ha. I don't care. He was a brat first. His good-bye was "Have a nice life." I have a feeling that that's not a good thing. Whatever, though.

Party!

I just hope everything works out. Why am I so stressed over it?

Ah, well.

Wed, 12 Mar 2003 00:11:17 GMT

Working on my theology project...hehe. I'm brilliant. Catherine wasn't at school today, so I just worked on it myself. And now I'm working on it myself, too, and it looks magical and I am proud.

If I want to wear my hair straight tomorrow, I'm going to have to re-straighten it.

J'ai vu.

Today me and Mr. Connor got into a one-sided debate. That is, I knew what I was talking about and he had no idea what I was taking about, but he was debating it anyway while I laughed.

Actual quote:

(me) "I think if one is going to say that 'without us, the French would be speaking German', one must acknowledge that 'without the French, we would be singing "God Save the Queen"'. Because, um, they sort of saved us at Yorktown."

(him) "Well, the last time I checked, we were still speaking English."

Um...sure.

schedule:
6.00-project
6.45-shower
7.00-American Idol, clean room, French homework
8.30-Daria
9.30-print project
9.40-whatever
10.30-bed

I like schedules. They make things so nicely organized.

Simon needs to STOP STALKING ME. I've successfully avoided his IMs, though. If only he didn't sit next to me in English. Damn.

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 01:31:52 GMT

FUCKING LOSER. LEAVE ME ALONE AND DON'T ASK ME TO GRATIFY YOUR SELF ESTEEM.

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 01:28:32 GMT

Oh, good. Simon's getting mad at me.

MAYBE THEN HE'LL LEAVE ME ALONE.

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 01:14:14 GMT

Oh. My. Goat. Why won't Simon LEAVE ME ALONE?

In other news, we're planning a surprise party for Beth, Elizabeth, and Nick.

Crap! Friday's my dad's birthday!

Tue, 11 Mar 2003 00:37:23 GMT

Fuck. Mon ordinateur has mental disabilities. I keep having to reload every single page I visit. I guess la computadora needs some therapy. That's okay, we all do.

I got my haircut! It's short and I love it. It looks really cute right now.

I'm seriously retarded when it comes to typing.

Ow. Cramps.

Didn't eat lunch, had a salad for dinner.

Avoiding Simon. I think he's noticed. Oh, well.

FUCK! HE JUST IMED ME.

Post of conversation to come.

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 04:09:27 GMT

I'm burning a new CD. It's going to be called "War" because its sole purpose is to calm me down when Dubya starts his war, the bastard.

Rage Against the Machine-Township Rebellion
RATM-No Shelter
RATM-People of the Sun
AntiFlag-9.11 for Peace
?-War (What is it good for?)
U2-Sunday Bloody Sunday
U2-Walk On
Israel (something)-Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World
Dire Straits-Money for Nothing
Interpol-PDA
Interpol-NYC
Jimmy Eat World-My Sundown
Coldplay-Trouble
Sarah McLachlan-Adia
Charlotte Church-Requiem
Pachebel-Canon in D
Bach-Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring
Beatles-I Am the Walrus
Queen-Bohemian Rhapsody

It shall be amazing. If CD burning were an art form, I would win prizes. This CD goes from adrenaline-stimulating to calming to cheering. Magical.

I still have to do my Connor thing. I'll ave to do that in bio and before school. Maybe someone will have a history book.

Quote of the Day:
"Stop mooing during warm-ups."
-Ann, singing director of the musical

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 00:11:18 GMT

The quarter doesn't end until two weeks from tomorrow. March 24.

Mon dieu, how am I going to do this?

I'm not going into English early anymore.

Ew...I'm grossed out just thinking about this.

Mon, 10 Mar 2003 00:07:19 GMT

Ew. Getting weird vibes from Simon. And I am so not interested. It's a pain, though, because I have to put up my away message every time he comes online. Damn.

And...wow. Now I can't even talk to him. He just seems weird now. I do not like him. At all. Let him suffer alone, dammit. I am me, and I deal with me.

I think I have to reazlie that I can't save everyone. But...ew. Ew...stay away from me. I can't talk anymore. I hope third quarter ends soon so we can switch seats and I WON'T HAVE TO BE NEXT TO HIM. Ew. Now even that grosses me out.

Sun, 09 Mar 2003 17:30:50 GMT

Basketball game was good fun, but we lost. Fuckers.

I'm tired. And I'm going to rehearsal in my pajamas. Woo.

Wow. I'm really tired.

Guess I should go eat something before rehearsal.

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 18:57:17 GMT

I'm going Downstate!

With CatherYne! Yes!

Kick ass fun.

They're picking me up @ like 4, so, cool.

Whoo hoo!

Go Fenwick!

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 06:28:01 GMT

Fuck. I want to go ride a horse. Now.

I'm going to re-start riding. Let's see...but when?

Monday-rehearsal (Hell Week)
Tuesday-sometimes rehearsal
Wednesday-yes, I do have to watch the West Wing.
Thursday-hm...okay!
Friday-it's Friday
Saturday-if I did it in the am, it'd be good.
Sunday-Finnell Hell.

Okay! Thursdays or Saturdays! I've been thinking about it, and I want to go to Oak Brook. 323.0965

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 05:38:49 GMT

Me and Simon just talked on the phone for...wow. Three and a half hours.

Wow.

Cool.

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 01:44:49 GMT

Simno Iamsi: hey

Auto response from DefianceLives: what?

DefianceLives: hey
Simno Iamsi: sorry. my stupid brther fucked things up
Simno Iamsi: *brother
DefianceLives: yeah...tis okay.
DefianceLives: i hav a brother and a sister, i know how it is
Simno Iamsi: is your brother 27 years old, living at home, and on the whole completely hopeless?
DefianceLives: well, not yet, but i'm sure he'll qualify for that in the future
Simno Iamsi: yea
Simno Iamsi: did you catch my comment about jesus?
DefianceLives: no...the last thing i have was me saying that i like buddhists
Simno Iamsi: i dint get that one. i was just saying that its ppl like you and me who arent happy who are like jesus
DefianceLives: that's so true, it's brilliant.
Simno Iamsi: lol
Simno Iamsi: alright. im really upset now. half screaming at ppl, half crying.
Simno Iamsi: i think im gonna go running
Simno Iamsi: im sorry
DefianceLives: what's wrong?
DefianceLives: no, call me or something
Simno Iamsi: my brother
DefianceLives: yeah, ust call me...i have time
Simno Iamsi: no, i need to go do something. i'll call you later
Simno Iamsi: i promise i wont die
DefianceLives: okay...make sure you do, hough
Simno Iamsi: ok
DefianceLives: good...definitely don't...we need to save the world
Simno Iamsi: lol
Simno Iamsi: alright, ttyl
DefianceLives: we are it's only hope...ciao
DefianceLives: *its
Simno Iamsi: yea
Simno Iamsi: i'l call. i promise
DefianceLives: good.
Simno Iamsi: ok. ttyl
Simno Iamsi signed off at 7:42:44 PM.

At least he said he wouldn't die. And he promised to call me.

*worry*

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 01:38:02 GMT

Oh, thank random deity. Simon's back online. His brother messed things up.

Thank you.

Sat, 08 Mar 2003 01:28:37 GMT

Mon dieu...who knows what to do?

I'm confused with myself, too. Oh, fuck, I want to be so much more than this, so much more than what I am, so much more than what I am. I never want to settle for mediocrity. Living a life of silent desperation is my worst nightmare.

Oh, fuck. We're all just dead in the end.