urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor my struggle FalseMetaphor 2003-09-01T00:31:16Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:62479 2003-09-01T00:31:16Z 2003-09-01T00:31:16Z did b and k talk to a before they talked to me?<br /><br />they didn't know that j wasn't coming<br />and a would have said something<br />because g said she was upset about that.<br />therefore, i must conclude<br />that b and k did not talk to anne. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:62331 2003-08-31T23:39:10Z 2003-08-31T23:39:10Z fuck everyone.<br /><br />i feel like punching people, but they won't understand why.<br /><br />fuckers. it's not a big thing, but it is a big thing if you understand it. aaaargh. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:62079 2003-08-21T21:24:06Z 2003-08-21T21:24:06Z "Rock the Casbah", The Clash fjkdlfj;ajfd;dfjdafcjkds<br /><br />It was so fucking hot today. First day of school. 3 frosh fainted. We had Mass in suit coats...mon dieu, je le deteste.<br /><br />And everything's already fucked up...what is this shit? Seriously. It's only the first day of school.<br /><br />I dunno, I get really pissy when I'm hot. I was tres chaud tout le jour, so maybe that's it. Maybe I'm exaggerated.<br /><br />Issues<br />-a/g/a/j<br />-a/t/m<br />-honours...<br />-extracurrics<br />-a--fr<br />-eng<br />-ch<br />-l<br /><br />What <i>is</i> this shit? Seriously. Fuckers. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:44867 2003-03-18T23:30:22Z 2003-03-18T23:30:22Z Hell no, we won't go; we won't fight for Texaco. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:44704 2003-03-17T04:10:00Z 2003-03-17T04:10:00Z "My Sundown", Jimmy Eat World People need to get what they deserve.<br /><br />He does not deserve that.<br /><br />But do I?<br /><br />I think so. Because I have nothing going for me.<br /><br />I am not exceptionally good-looking. I am not the most popular person ever. I work hard to get what I want.<br /><br />But, on the other hand:<br />I'm not exceptionally bad-looking. I have good friends. I am pretty smart and don't have to work hard in school.<br /><br />But he has the advantage. And I hate him for it. <br /><br />Bastard.<br /><br />I hate him.<br /><br />Or do I?<br /><br />Yes. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:44334 2003-03-16T17:52:02Z 2003-03-16T17:52:02Z "The Difference", matchbox twenty Okay.<br /><br />If Greg says a word about State Congress, I will kill him.<br /><br />I gave him an opportunity to talk about it. He didn't take it. Therefore, he's done.<br /><br />I'm insanely jealous because he didn't deserve to go.<br /><br />So fuck him. His life will always be perfect and he will always get things he doesn't deserve, excepth he will never get bad things he deserves. My life will never be perfect and I will never get things I deserve, unless, of course, they're bad.<br /><br />I know life isn't fair, and I expect it. But sometimes I just can't stand it.<br /><br />I'm going to China. And then I'm going to be a page.<br /><br />It would be spectacular is I got to be a congressional page and he didn't.<br /><br />But of course it will be the opposite--I won't be a page, and he will.<br /><br />Because that's the way things are. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:44173 2003-03-16T17:26:48Z 2003-03-16T17:26:48Z "Hand Me Down", matchbox twenty 2.POEM FOCUSED ON A CRUCIAL MOMENT FROM THE CHOSEN MYTH<br /> Write in present tense, evoking the tension of an important crisis or decision. May be in first or third person.<br /><br />Is he <i>kidding</i>?<br /><br />jk;adfj;ovjeoimxji cx I hate English. No, scrath that, I hate <b>poems</b>. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:43819 2003-03-15T05:40:20Z 2003-03-15T05:40:20Z "Walk On", U2 I guess it's too much to ask that when a bunch of people come over that anyone help clean up afterwards. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:43575 2003-03-15T05:36:58Z 2003-03-15T05:36:58Z "Walk On", U2 Um, wow.<br /><br />Party was fun. Not too bad.<br /><br />But I'm so tired. And no one stayed to help me clean up.<br /><br />Fuck them all. I cannot put in a nineteen hour day after this hell of a week. And now, it's looking like it's going to be twenty one. Goddammit. I'm typing with my eyes closed because I'm so tired. Dammit. Wow. There's so much to do.<br /><br />And ma mere is not helping. I'm all like "Mom, what should I do with the food?" And she's just like, "whatever." It's like, I don't know what to do. Tell me or I will throw all of it at you. <br /><br />I'm mad at Lauren. I'm really mad at her. Why? For abandoning me for Beth--I feel like I'm an old friend who's not worth anything. Damn her. And she's not helping me clean up or anything, either. One would think that she would, but of course not, she's too busy with Beth. Fuck them both. I think I'll be even madder at Lauren when it's tomorrow. Goddammit. I mean...she barely talked to me tonight, she was so busy hanging out with Beth. And I don't mind that at all, it's just that she's abandoning me completely. Damn.<br /><br />I am doing absolutely nothing tomorrow and no one can make me do anything.<br /><br />My basement awaits. Dammit, there's so much crap.<br /><br />fadskljs;jkdsf<br /><br />Too tired to muster anything but that. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:43469 2003-03-14T02:16:15Z 2003-03-14T02:16:15Z "PDA", Interpol RAAAAAAA. So complicated.<br /><br />Okay. So, surprise party for Beth, Nick, and Elizabeth tomorrow. Sounds simple? Ever try throwing a party for three different people? <br /><br />Rah. I have no idea how this is going to work. I guess we'll just surprise them as they get here.<br /><br />Actually, now that I think about it, that sounds really smart.<br /><br />Things got complicated with Steve's "brilliant" plan to tell Nick that it was a surprise for Beth and to tell Beth and Elizabeth that it was for Nick.<br /><br />We think Beth knows about it.<br /><br />Anyways, I'm just stressed out about it because I'm being asked to do a lot of stuff. So I spasm. fdajklf;ldjk.fejdkljfk Like that. <br /><br />I dunno, I guess I just want everything to work out perfectly. We'll see what happens. Even if it doesn't work perfectly, it'll be fun.<br /><br />Must go make cards for Elizabeth (poster?) and Anne.<br /><br />jaffkjdlfadkjslfdjaickljfiodhfdck<br /><br />Stress. I just hope I'll calm down enogh to enjoy myself. I seem to be theonly one who's worried, although I suppose someone has to do it.<br /><br />Simon doesn't like me anymore. Ha. I don't care. He was a brat first. His good-bye was "Have a nice life." I have a feeling that that's not a good thing. Whatever, though.<br /><br />Party!<br /><br />I just hope everything works out. Why am I so stressed over it?<br /><br />Ah, well. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:43141 2003-03-12T00:11:17Z 2003-03-12T00:11:17Z "Man Who Sold the World", Nirvana Working on my theology project...hehe. I'm brilliant. Catherine wasn't at school today, so I just worked on it myself. And now I'm working on it myself, too, and it looks magical and I am proud.<br /><br />If I want to wear my hair straight tomorrow, I'm going to have to re-straighten it.<br /><br />J'ai vu.<br /><br />Today me and Mr. Connor got into a one-sided debate. That is, I knew what I was talking about and he had no idea what I was taking about, but he was debating it anyway while I laughed.<br /><br />Actual quote:<br /><br />(me) "I think if one is going to say that 'without us, the French would be speaking German', one must acknowledge that 'without the French, we would be singing "God Save the Queen"'. Because, um, they sort of saved us at Yorktown."<br /><br />(him) "Well, the last time I checked, we were still speaking English."<br /><br />Um...sure. <br /><br />schedule:<br />6.00-project<br />6.45-shower<br />7.00-American Idol, clean room, French homework<br />8.30-Daria<br />9.30-print project<br />9.40-whatever<br />10.30-bed<br /><br />I like schedules. They make things so nicely organized.<br /><br />Simon needs to STOP STALKING ME. I've successfully avoided his IMs, though. If only he didn't sit next to me in English. Damn. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:42763 2003-03-11T01:31:52Z 2003-03-11T01:31:52Z FUCKING LOSER. LEAVE ME ALONE AND DON'T ASK ME TO GRATIFY YOUR SELF ESTEEM. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:42647 2003-03-11T01:28:32Z 2003-03-11T01:28:32Z Oh, good. Simon's getting mad at me.<br /><br />MAYBE THEN HE'LL LEAVE ME ALONE. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:42276 2003-03-11T01:14:14Z 2003-03-11T01:14:14Z Oh. My. Goat. Why won't Simon LEAVE ME ALONE?<br /><br />In other news, we're planning a surprise party for Beth, Elizabeth, and Nick.<br /><br />Crap! Friday's my dad's birthday! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:42111 2003-03-11T00:37:23Z 2003-03-11T00:37:23Z "My Sundown", Jimmy Eat World Fuck. Mon ordinateur has mental disabilities. I keep having to reload <i>every single page</i> I visit. I guess la computadora needs some therapy. That's okay, we all do.<br /><br />I got my haircut! It's short and I love it. It looks really cute right now.<br /><br />I'm seriously retarded when it comes to typing.<br /><br />Ow. Cramps.<br /><br />Didn't eat lunch, had a salad for dinner.<br /><br />Avoiding Simon. I think he's noticed. Oh, well.<br /><br />FUCK! HE JUST IMED ME.<br /><br />Post of conversation to come. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:41862 2003-03-10T04:09:27Z 2003-03-10T04:09:27Z singing warm-ups done by me I'm burning a new CD. It's going to be called "War" because its sole purpose is to calm me down when Dubya starts his war, the bastard.<br /><br />Rage Against the Machine-Township Rebellion<br />RATM-No Shelter<br />RATM-People of the Sun<br />AntiFlag-9.11 for Peace<br />?-War (What is it good for?)<br />U2-Sunday Bloody Sunday<br />U2-Walk On<br />Israel (something)-Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World<br />Dire Straits-Money for Nothing<br />Interpol-PDA<br />Interpol-NYC<br />Jimmy Eat World-My Sundown<br />Coldplay-Trouble<br />Sarah McLachlan-Adia<br />Charlotte Church-Requiem<br />Pachebel-Canon in D<br />Bach-Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring<br />Beatles-I Am the Walrus<br />Queen-Bohemian Rhapsody<br /><br />It shall be amazing. If CD burning were an art form, I would win prizes. This CD goes from adrenaline-stimulating to calming to cheering. Magical.<br /><br />I still have to do my Connor thing. I'll ave to do that in bio and before school. Maybe someone will have a history book.<br /><br />Quote of the Day:<br />"Stop mooing during warm-ups."<br />-Ann, singing director of the musical urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:41659 2003-03-10T00:11:18Z 2003-03-10T00:11:18Z The quarter doesn't end until two weeks from tomorrow. March 24. <br /><br />Mon dieu, how am I going to do this?<br /><br />I'm not going into English early anymore.<br /><br />Ew...I'm grossed out just thinking about this. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:41262 2003-03-10T00:07:19Z 2003-03-10T00:07:19Z "Requiem", Charlotte Church Ew. Getting weird vibes from Simon. And I am so <i>not interested</i>. It's a pain, though, because I have to put up my away message every time he comes online. Damn.<br /><br />And...wow. Now I can't even talk to him. He just seems weird now. I do not like him. At all. Let him suffer alone, dammit. I am me, and I deal with me.<br /><br />I think I have to reazlie that I can't save everyone. But...ew. Ew...stay away from me. I can't talk anymore. I hope third quarter ends soon so we can switch seats and I WON'T HAVE TO BE NEXT TO HIM. Ew. Now even that grosses me out. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:41137 2003-03-09T17:30:50Z 2003-03-09T17:30:50Z "One More Time", Daft Punk Basketball game was good fun, but we lost. Fuckers.<br /><br />I'm tired. And I'm going to rehearsal in my pajamas. Woo. <br /><br />Wow. I'm really tired.<br /><br />Guess I should go eat something before rehearsal. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:40875 2003-03-08T18:57:17Z 2003-03-08T18:57:17Z none I'm going Downstate!<br /><br />With CatherYne! Yes!<br /><br />Kick ass fun.<br /><br />They're picking me up @ like 4, so, cool.<br /><br />Whoo hoo!<br /><br />Go Fenwick! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:40615 2003-03-08T06:28:01Z 2003-03-08T06:28:01Z Fuck. I want to go ride a horse. Now. <br /><br />I'm going to re-start riding. Let's see...but when?<br /><br />Monday-rehearsal (Hell Week)<br />Tuesday-sometimes rehearsal<br />Wednesday-yes, I do have to watch the West Wing.<br />Thursday-hm...okay!<br />Friday-it's Friday<br />Saturday-if I did it in the am, it'd be good.<br />Sunday-Finnell Hell.<br /><br />Okay! Thursdays or Saturdays! I've been thinking about it, and I want to go to Oak Brook. 323.0965 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:40440 2003-03-08T05:38:49Z 2003-03-08T05:38:49Z Me and Simon just talked on the phone for...wow. Three and a half hours. <br /><br />Wow. <br /><br />Cool. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:40133 2003-03-08T01:44:49Z 2003-03-08T01:44:49Z "Canon in D", Pachabel Simno Iamsi: hey<br /><br />Auto response from DefianceLives: what?<br /><br />DefianceLives: hey<br />Simno Iamsi: sorry. my stupid brther fucked things up<br />Simno Iamsi: *brother<br />DefianceLives: yeah...tis okay.<br />DefianceLives: i hav a brother and a sister, i know how it is<br />Simno Iamsi: is your brother 27 years old, living at home, and on the whole completely hopeless?<br />DefianceLives: well, not yet, but i'm sure he'll qualify for that in the future<br />Simno Iamsi: yea<br />Simno Iamsi: did you catch my comment about jesus?<br />DefianceLives: no...the last thing i have was me saying that i like buddhists<br />Simno Iamsi: i dint get that one. i was just saying that its ppl like you and me who arent happy who are like jesus<br />DefianceLives: that's so true, it's brilliant.<br />Simno Iamsi: lol<br />Simno Iamsi: alright. im really upset now. half screaming at ppl, half crying.<br />Simno Iamsi: i think im gonna go running<br />Simno Iamsi: im sorry<br />DefianceLives: what's wrong?<br />DefianceLives: no, call me or something<br />Simno Iamsi: my brother<br />DefianceLives: yeah, ust call me...i have time<br />Simno Iamsi: no, i need to go do something. i'll call you later<br />Simno Iamsi: i promise i wont die<br />DefianceLives: okay...make sure you do, hough<br />Simno Iamsi: ok<br />DefianceLives: good...definitely don't...we need to save the world<br />Simno Iamsi: lol<br />Simno Iamsi: alright, ttyl<br />DefianceLives: we are it's only hope...ciao<br />DefianceLives: *its<br />Simno Iamsi: yea<br />Simno Iamsi: i'l call. i promise<br />DefianceLives: good.<br />Simno Iamsi: ok. ttyl<br />Simno Iamsi signed off at 7:42:44 PM. <br /><br />At least he said he wouldn't die. And he promised to call me.<br /><br /><br />*worry* urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:39924 2003-03-08T01:38:02Z 2003-03-08T01:38:02Z Oh, thank random deity. Simon's back online. His brother messed things up.<br /><br />Thank you. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:falsemetaphor:39677 2003-03-08T01:28:37Z 2003-03-08T01:28:37Z "My Sundown", Jimmy Eat World Mon dieu...who knows what to do?<br /><br />I'm confused with myself, too. Oh, fuck, I want to be so much more than this, so much more than what I am, so much more than what I am. I never want to settle for mediocrity. Living a life of silent desperation is my worst nightmare.<br /><br />Oh, fuck. We're all just dead in the end.